Pain, crushing, overtaking

Reflecting on the Dom pro

My loved ones know: I've been traveling in pain for several days now. Every hour. Every minute - except when I'm asleep, and luckily I am. So I think about it, about this subject at the center of my activity.
So I'll share my thoughts.

Pain and I are old acquaintances. It's been with me for... an eternity, often too long, like a bad Mistress, a tyrant who from the moment I wake up will define what I can do with my day, or what it will taste like, honey, shit or ashes.
Sometimes pain allows itself to be softened or tamed.
Sometimes she doesn't care and pulses, green blue red, fucking fireworks that throw me out of myself. Then there's me, her, the in-between of moielle, a perilous and exhausting balance.
Then, in phases, for no known reason, she disappears.

This kind of pain doesn't enhance the soul (or, less lyrically, the individual), it diminishes it. They besiege, depress and crush.
Their only interest? Perhaps as a reminder of the miracle of what is supposed to be the norm, a body that doesn't suffer - or doesn't suffer too much. Perhaps an invitation to take greater advantage of these moments of respite.
Over the years, people have said to me, "But if you like certain kinds of pain, you should enjoy suffering, shouldn't you? I may have enjoyed the strain of the ropes, the rush of feeling alive on impact, yes. But the sensation of nails driven into my eyes, 36 tons on my skull or butcher's hooks shredding my muscles, never.
Liking a certain type of pain, in certain circumstances, with a given person doesn't mean liking him or her at all. Our masochisms have their preferences.

We can also hate pain but consent to it and give it meaning (variant - consent to it, and even desire it BECAUSE we give it meaning):
- suffer for his Master (sacrifice, oblation).
- Because our partner likes this or that practice, which goes hand in hand with this or that pain.
- Look for the aftermath, the great soothing of pain that stops.
- Confronting yourself and your limits.

Pain is a multifaceted territory, at once profound and fascinating, disgusting and terrifying. Right now, I just want my journey to end. To get out of the meel and just go home.