Intimacy and the aftermath
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1- Intimate, intimacy
In my work, I perform acts that are considered intimate: I penetrate mouths and asses, I explore, scrape and remove the skin from brains.
The reverse is not true: I'm not naked, I'm not penetrated, my fantasies and internal systems are not at stake in the session. What is reserved for the (ultra) private sphere is the field of my work, and I operate in it with varying degrees of commitment or distance.
"Like a shrink," some shrinks told me.
It's exciting. Sometimes perilous. It can create imbalances, misunderstandings and misunderstandings, even in my private life. For example, a man once told me that I was polyamorous because I had clients. He was confusing pro and perso, physical interactions and relationships.
For me, intimacy is less about an act than about a relationship and my desire. Touching an arm can be much more intimate than penetrating an anus. In my opinion, a professional domination session is not based on the Mistress's intimacy (even if she may encounter it), but that of the client.
On the other hand, we create intimacy, that is to say, a space-time-exchange set apart from the so-called "real" world and its norms, where certain people can say, live and enjoy what is not tolerated elsewhere.
Clarification: the question of non-reciprocal intimacy is at the heart of TDS, but exists outside TDS and BDSM. The argument "I'll never go to a professional because I want her to want me" isn't necessarily relevant. Many unpriced (and consensual, I might add) interactions take place for reasons that have nothing to do with desire, and without any partner committing to anything.
2- After
I'm thinking more and more about what I'm going to do after Professional Domination. When I started out, I didn't have a plan, just a long-nurtured desire to get started. Then I was living abroad, and domination was a one-off activity.
When I started out, I didn't want big furniture (crosses, spanking benches...), too much equipment or too many constraints. I wanted to be free to quit from one day to the next, without a ball and chain, if ever. I liked the idea of stealth, of just passing through, and of the mobile dungeon. Pack my trunks, slip away, bye.
I had no idea of making a career out of it. I didn't care. I wanted to follow my desire, my axis, make a project a reality, try, maybe fail, confront myself, reality and my limits. I moved from one month to the next, as I've lived a lot, in my bubbles of music and words, with a blurred horizon.
The vvvvvvvadrouille.
To tell the truth, the idea of a career is quite foreign to me - and always has been. The idea of Dominatrice took shape unbeknownst to me, by dint of being in the business for so long. Along the way, there was my professional website, the adventure of La Férule, The Emanuscule, La Loi du Talonthe A trip to MinordomFrom being a total stranger, I became "Madame", "Madame Lule" or just "Lule".
Unthinkable at the outset, when I imagined myself passing like a comet. Proud of my journey, yes, but also certain of stopping one day. In a year, two, five? I've no idea. I'll slip into something else, probably coaching people, probably in the field of sexuality. It's logical and a little sad - my particular affinity with nostalgia, no doubt.
Quitting means giving up part of my identity (exit Madame Lule). It also means leaving a community that's dear to me, the TDS community, where I have almost-sisters, friends, girlfriends and acquaintances. Never before have I been so surrounded - and I like to be alone.
For the moment I'm here, satisfied and attentive to the little phrase that goes up and up:
"Hey, Alda, ma'am, when are we going where?"
