I'm alive

In the underground corridors of the metro, eternally dull and tumultuous, I run. I'm late, and nothing matters more than being on time. To run, to gain time, to lose nothing, not even a single minute of the moment to come. Seconds fly by. Above all, to make a good first impression, to be there. As I run, my eyes frantically scan the directions and lanes. Mind and body in tension, resolutely focused on a single goal: moving forward. Skipping steps, jostling passing shadows, making mistakes and coming back, moving forward. Deep in my belly, always lurking in thick darkness, a black spider appears, stretching out its long legs. Outside, everything else - images, noises, smells - is just scenery.
I'm almost there now. Out of the monstrous maw of the subway. A call, an intercom. A stairwell. A few more steps, the last, the door's almost there.
I'm stopping.

Inspire.
I'm hot. My clothes are sticking to me, I'm sweating. My head is empty. The spider has woven its threads everywhere. Its web holds me back, hinders my movements, knots my stomach to every muscle in my body. Behind that door, there, a little higher up, live my apprehensions, all my doubts, my fantasies; a part of me, beating and gagged, screaming, inaudible. The spider knows it, prevents me from moving forward. My movements are jerky and coarse. I almost stagger. Behind this door, something is calling me, over the silence of this stairwell and the drumming of blood hitting my temples. Behind this door, She's waiting for me.
Expires.

I climb the last few steps. The seconds are heavy. All uncertainties are permitted, but going backwards is no longer possible.
I stare at the spider.
The door opens.

She's here now. Madame. Calm, confident, imbued with elegance, an inaccessible, untouchable, timeless beauty. A presence whose effect the words of the greatest would still struggle to describe. In her eyes, I can already read the promise of my own abandonment. All the sensuality of her voice and gaze pours into me, making the spider recoil. Hypnotized, I obey. I'm naked, on my knees, when her hands meet my face for the first time. Closer, her breathing. She's right in front of me, and with a breath that becomes my own, a new warmth penetrates me. Always her words, always her eyes. To the sound of music that surrounds us, protects us, comes a kiss of hemp, these strings that embrace my chest, and the metal that encloses my hands. Inside, the spider trembles. I feel his chains weakening, with each caress, each time I smell his lips, his mouth, his scent, and the bonds tighten.

            Led by his fingers, the prison changes, becomes plastic, elastic. There's that timed sound that strikes against my eardrums, the cadence of a time that I abandon as the fire takes hold and the cage shrinks. In this burning, unbreathable embrace that covers me more and more, I cling to his breath; to his hands that roam over me and enter me and which I taste, to his tongue, the last anchor in this fiery storm. The world becomes a damp inferno. Motionless, I burn. I burn all the webs, all the threads, all the work of the black beast inside me. Motionless, I free myself. I feel the spider consume and die in an agony of shivers, all over my hands, my feet, my face; numbed by this icy nightmare in the middle of the furnace. With each thread that breaks, one of my senses is reborn. And more than ever, she stands beside me, dominating, accompanying me, guiding me towards a new path, a new summit. The spider defeated and out of my prison of fire, a new journey begins.

            Lying on the floor, I open myself completely to her. Her empire over me is total. The first moments are delicate, as I stumble, catch myself in her voice, along her fingers. Her movements become mine, and time fades in our dance. Each impulse is a new step higher, stronger.
More.
I can hear her voice, coiled inside me like an echo, calling me, drawing me further in. I tremble and surrender.
More.
Her eyes fix me, carry me away and show me the heavenly destination, the kingdom to which She guides me.
Again and again.
I'm moving towards the summit of Olympus. She's on my lips, her taste and smell are everywhere. Everywhere, I'm filled with her.
Again, yes again!
She's there, at the top, deep inside me, with me. A door of a thousand colors stands before us, a little higher still. Gods, how I pity you, not being able to feel or sense, this door is not yours. How great it is to be human!

Again. In ecstasy, with her.
The door opens.
I'm alive.